News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
