I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
