There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
