i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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