trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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