I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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