im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
