He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
my poor anus
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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