question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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