i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
