I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
