Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
