i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
