I feel great
I just peed on a car
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
