I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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