You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
