hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is it because I queefed?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
