I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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