I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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