are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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