how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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