Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
