Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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