the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
