She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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