Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
