i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
