Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
