I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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