Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
