I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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