So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
