hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
