just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
