she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
