He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
