put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
