Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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