I wish my penis had an off switch
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
