Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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