Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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