If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
