I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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