dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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