i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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