i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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