Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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