Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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