Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
