I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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