Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
