R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
