Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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