That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
