he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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