Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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